June 17, 2021
This is raw and vulnerable.
Chrysalis Yoga was my life, and so my heart is poured into these words.
It’s now time to officially say goodbye. We have reached the end of the road.
When we first closed, we weren’t expecting these restrictions to last this long. But I was asked by the broker (the representative of the landlord), in March, to make a decision. It got to a point where I could no longer hold onto the space (there’s more to this and I’m condensing it, but I ask that you don’t jump to conclusions – just know it got really challenging and if you wish to know more, I’m open to a hike or phone call). I was told I could come back, and the space would be held for us. In that time, I had actively found some potential partners, but in April, I went to check on the space, and as I peered through the window, I saw the space was being renovated for a new business – a restaurant. This was later confirmed to me. I guess that was the Universe saying I definitely had to let go.
For over a year, I have tried in so many ways to keep the community together (going online, seeking partnerships, asking for help from so many people). But I was forced to surrender to the inevitable.
I didn’t share this news earlier as I went through a deep grieving process and I was in shock. This was like experiencing a DEATH of a loved one. And the way I grieved was a complete shutdown (the grief had affected my health as well) and so I needed to take care of myself. After this grief, I then had to organize things again to adapt to these new changes (speaking with various studios), while I was in the midst of finishing my 300-hour Teacher Training.
I want to thank everyone. Thank you to those who supported us online … you have no idea how you helped…. I could not pay myself, but I could continue to pay the teachers, some of the bills and keep it going for as long as possible. You are heroes in my eyes. Thank you so incredibly much to the teachers who continued to support this community and showed up even when you went through your own struggles…. You never gave up; you truly have an inner strength.
Thank you to all the managers we had over the years; you helped in so so so many ways. Running a studio is no easy task, and I could not have done it without the help of the amazing managers. Thank you to all the EE coordinators, energy exchangers, and the teachers over the years. I’m blessed to have learned from many of you from our interactions. And thank you to my accountant…. That guy taught me how to do bookkeeping, and it was so empowering.
Every single person made Chrysalis what it was.
To the community, I love you deeply. I am so grateful to you. Your smiles, jokes, laughter, and your incredible food, gifts, and Christmas cards (I’ve kept a lot of cards that people have given me over the years). I pray that your hearts are held during unstable times; and that you find compassion and understanding for the varying traumas and difficulties we are all facing. I will cherish my time teaching and holding the space of Chrysalis for you, for the rest of my life. I am honoured to have walked this journey with all of you.
To those who studied with me in Yoga Teacher Training: I absolutely LOVED seeing you transform. Please continue to teach from the heart. Choose not to water down yoga by turning yoga into a workout or diluting it by mixing it with other things … continue to spread the deep, rich, and wonderful teachings of yoga from India to people. This sacred practice will continue to support you in your darkest times and teach you how to cherish life. I’m grateful you get to share it with so many others. I could not feel more honoured to have been your guide during your journey.
And lastly to my parents. My step-dad has been such an incredibly amazing dad to me. To my endlessly loving mom and my Canadian family who showed up in times of difficulties, especially helping empty as much as we could out of the Chrysalis space in just a few days, which was a feat. My parents have supported me so much, financially and emotionally. Diana and Nanashi were my rock, emotionally. Phuong for being so sweet to me. And Ingrid for being such an excellent friend. To so many people who checked up on me when I often felt like I was going through this alone and had been in some weird, warped timeline. I’m also grateful for the moon circles I shared with incredible women who truly support other women.
I always taught in my classes about surrendering to Life. And I am now going through the greatest test of all. My very last identity was tied to the studio. 10 years. 10 years is usually a cycle for me (I left my home country, South Africa, 20 years ago). I will miss the Sanctuary room the most, the moments of stillness where I painted on the walls symbols and mantras (infusing my love into the walls of the space), the Buddha, and the smiling faces at the front desk. I will miss our chats after class. I miss it all so so deeply. Now, this piece of identity is falling away (and all other perceptions of what an “owner” is of a “business”).
And so Life once again teaches us that there is always a beginning, middle, and end – to EVERYTHING.
This death is strong… it’s not just a business dying; it’s a community.
And I know many of you will grieve.
But the community of friendships will last forever!
Something must die for new life to come about.
What will happen?
I’m surrendering to Life.
- I will continue to teach yoga… where right now is unknown.
- Kavi Love will remain in effect for 2 months.
- Hopefully, I will teach at some of the studios that are helping (outlined below) and I will announce where, in a follow-up email, as well as where some of our teachers land. You can bet I will be supporting local studios as all businesses need our help.
- I just got news yesterday that I got accepted to teach on Insight Timer. I’m beyond excited. I’ve been using this app for years. It’s for free and you can donate also. I will be teaching some yoga and meditation classes on there.
- I wish to teach private classes (I offer a personal transformation practice that is very specific to people’s needs, using all the training I’ve been blessed with) and corporate yoga.
- I wish to become a Death Doula and guide souls as we transition from this life and will be taking the training part-time.
- I’ve been studying Folk Herbalism and spending much time in the forests in Lowville. I hope to share with you healing, magical workshops combined with nature to find upliftment. The first place where it will be held is ThinkSpot (a special place in my heart) – you may have been there and seen amazing rock art. This place is surrounded by forest and water… it’s heaven.
- And hopefully, continue to teach Yoga Teacher Trainings in the country area.
- Other than that, I have NO IDEA where life will lead me and I’m trying to remain open to ALL possibilities. Chrysalis was my life, and now I’m staring at a blank canvas… once again. I’m human and fear comes in – how will I survive? But I also have an inner knowing that I need to trust and be open to fully step into this new path.
What will happen with the wonderful teachers who stayed with us to the end and continued on with Kavi Love? My aim is to never leave them without a place to land.
- They will continue for the 2 months on Kavi Love.
- I will be giving them all of the videos the teachers created for Kavi Love to use for their own purposes.
- I reached out to local studios to hopefully help them find a teaching place.
I want to thank Katie from De La Sol Yoga (Waterdown), Inye (Oakville), and Be Yoga (Burlington), who agreed to help. These are the studios that responded back with help and I’m extremely grateful. De La Sol (Waterdown)
will accept class passes and possibly hire some teachers. I was blown away by Katie’s generosity. I also had a beautiful conversation with the owner of Inye Yoga
– his philosophy is very much like mine. And the awesome women at Be Yoga. Inye Yoga
and Be Yoga
will gladly accept students (but they cannot accept class passes) and will hopefully also hire some of us (however, the number of teachers is not guaranteed due to restrictions and they have their own teachers as well).
I am confident our teachers and you will find your new community.